


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 473

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [21]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 00:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6447487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues, as Obi-Wan walks into a trap and the foul mouthed, slightly insane Mace Windu is up to no good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 473

TATOOINE - Day 473:

For the last four days Mace and I sat around my hut shooting the poodoo. We discussed the good times before the Clone Wars, and the things we wished we could have changed during and after the war. Whatever we talked about, Mace always steered the conversation back to his plans for destroying Palpatine and Vader. He'd get a wild look in his one good eye and come up with some crazy schemes on how to overthrow the Empire, none of which ever seemed plausible. 

"What I don't understand," Mace began, "is how'd that mother fucka Palpatine get another God damn apprentice so quickly after you killed Anakin?"

"I don't know, Mace." I searched for a reasonable explanation. "Maybe the rule of two is a myth. Maybe Palpatine has a school of apprentices in training and only the best get to advance to his side."

Mace shook his head. "If that's the case, then you and I are going to get it right in the butt, Kenobi."

Mace's newly found vulgarity never ceased to amaze me. I wondered if this current incarnation of Mace was there all along, but his Jedi training had kept it at bay. 

My visitor glanced out the window and observed the position of the suns. "Well, I'm off. See you in a few hours." Mace stood up and limped out of the hut without another word. 

Everyday since he arrived, Mace had left for Mos Espa at the same time. On the first day he had said he was going for supplies, but when he didn't return with any he confessed that he was gathering intel for the operation against the Empire. He always returned looking pale and drained, and usually fell asleep shortly thereafter. 

The morning of our Gungan feast, Mace had nearly tracked me all the way to the Lars' homestead. When he confronted me I had told him that I was Force walking in order to stay in shape. I don't think he believed me, but he didn't question me any further. 

Each day when Mace left I took the opportunity to check on Luke. I always made my way through the center of the Jundland Wastes to get there. At the bottom of the gully, travelers made perfect targets for the Tuskens who hid behind the large outcropping of rocks on either hillside. This is why no one dared to take this route, so I was free to come and go without ever being seen. At first the Tuskens viewed me as prey, but I quickly changed their point of view. 

As I rounded the final rock formation before Owen's place, I felt a sudden sense of urgency. Grabbing my electrobinoculars I was shocked to see several Tuskens standing over three people sitting in the sand. It was Owen, whose arms were bound behind his back, and Beru who was holding a crying Luke. 

As I lowered the binoculars, half a dozen Tuskens leapt down from the rocks above. Before I had the chance to react they were feeling around my pelvis, running their dirty little hands all over my junk. One of them found what they were looking for and snatched my lightsaber from my belt. While the thief ran towards the hostages, the remaining Tuskens piled on top of me in an attempt to keep me down. 

They were strong little buggers and nearly forced me to the ground, but I managed to stay on my feet as they tried to shove my face into the sand. I Force pushed them all off of me, and as I was about to go after my saber, one of the Tuskens on the ground stabbed my foot with his gaderffii stick. The pain was overwhelming. I yanked the impaled object from out of my foot and struck the Tusken across the head with his own weapon. 

Force running was out of the question, I was only able to limp after the thief. I helplessly watched as a Tusken knocked out Owen, and then left Beru and Luke behind as they moved towards several banthas. 

I passed a bleeding, but still breathing, Owen laying in the sand with Beru leaning over him. Luke looked up and smiled at me. I made brief eye contact with Beru, and continued to limp past them in silence. 

As the Tuskens mounted their banthas and started to ride off, I saw my lightsaber dangling from the thief's robe. Quieting my mind I was able to focus on the object and snatch it back from quite a distance away. I ignited my lightsaber and stood my ground. Surprisingly the Tuskens turned their banthas around and rode towards me. 

For some reason the Tuskens really wanted my saber, so I decided that the only polite thing to do was to give it to them. As they surrounded me I spun on my one good foot and removed the legs of the banthas on which they rode. When the riders dug themselves out from under the fallen beasts, I happily took their heads. 

The attackers who had first ambushed me were now headed my way. I couldn't believe the extremes these sand bastards were going through to obtain my saber. What was this all about? Having had enough and feeling the need to get off my injured foot, I threw my saber like a boomerang and sliced through the remaining Tuskens. Catching it on its return, I nodded to Beru and limped towards my hut. 

"They were lying in wait for you."

The blue translucent ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn was suddenly walking beside me.

"The Tuskens?" I asked. "Yes, I know."

"Mace's routine has become your routine," Qui-Gon stated. With his arms folded across his chest, my former Master never looked so regal, or so at peace. 

"So what are you saying Master?"

He turned and smiled at me, "The Tuskens were apparently interested in your lightsaber. Why would they need one?"

"Maybe because someone else is attacking them with one." My thoughts were racing. "Do you think Mace is slaughtering Tuskens? For what purpose?"

When I turned my former Master was gone. 

What was the point of his visit? Was this what Qui-Gon had warned me about just before Mace reentered my life? It didn't make any sense. 

I limped through my front door. My foot was throbbing from the sand and dirt that was packed into my open wound. Mace was passed out on my bed. His robe was slightly open and I could see a bloody bandage attached to his inner arm. It looked as if he had just given blood, and from the color of his skin he had given too much. 

Besides Mace's apparent insanity, something more ominous was going on. I needed to find out what it was.


End file.
